Evaluation of the Sample Essay Trickle down Enlightenment
The article was an argumentative essay relating to the importance of the French Revolution in France and the Haitian Revolution in Haiti. For an argumentative essay to be said it is well written, it has to have “ clear, concise, well-defined thesis” (Purdue 1). In the essay, the student did well by giving a brief general description of the two revolutions. The author gives the situations that led to both countries to start a revolution in a short paragraph. The brief statement presents the reader with an understanding of the contents of the write up concisely. Hence, in this front the paper was well written. Despite the good work above, the author did not give the description of the importance of the title. This statement is important since it makes the readers understand the importance of reading the article.
On the other hand, the piece does not indicate the sections required in the paper; that is the introduction, the body and a conclusion. Despite the fact that the paper is free flowing, the absence of these three components makes the readership, and hence the comprehension of the paper very hard. In addition, the paper does not provide precise differing points of view as required in an argumentative essay. The student did not discuss these differing points with insight, but rather dealt with the relationship between the two revolutions. Although this may be another line of view, it does not give out the elements needed in an argumentative piece of writing (Purdue 1).
The writer uses evidence from a number of sources. These sources include “Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen” and the documentaries “The French Revolution,” and “Egalite for All: Toussaint Louverture and the Haitian Revolution.” These sources, whether they are documentaries or books, provide some evidence, although they are not statistical, factual, anecdotal, or logical (Purdue 3). The writer did fairly well although factual and statistical evidence was not properly used. The student did not use multiple resources in the study, including those ideas that are not directly related to the topic. Instead, the use of the sources that were directly related to the study was noticed, therefore, giving the piece a narrow spectrum to base a student’s argument (Slave Rebellion 3).
The writer did not use each paragraph to discuss every idea (Purdue 2). One idea has been spread through more than one paragraph. This distorts the information in the argument. However, the general transition from the introduction to the conclusion was done smoothly. The author provided the reader with an easy way of understanding the article by writing the essay systematically to its conclusion. Further, the author gave a complete argument and the conclusion, although it was brief, restated the thesis, and addressed it in line with the evidence presented.
The inclusion of the novel “The Kingdom of this World” by Alejo Carpentier in the essay would have helped the writer to argue the issue faultlessly. The author of this novel, who hails from Cuba, chose the Haitian Revolution as his base of study. He suggests that the Haiti Revolution was an important aspect of the ending of colonization and slavery in the Americas and beyond. Carpentier used factual evidence in his novel. He used historical research, basing the argument on an actual slave. This makes this novel very suitable for an argumentative essay due to its factual evidence in the form of historical research. The novel also has a sequential pattern, which helps the reader to carry on the reading in a smooth manner. The book has two sides to it: the literature and history, which gives the readers a broader scope of the two revolutions (Carpentier 47).
The general view is that the article was fairly written. The thesis statement would get seven out of ten because it tried to explain the rest of the paper in brevity. The flow ideas in the paper were smooth from one paragraph to the next, although the author did not clearly indicate the introduction, the body, and a conclusion. The writer would get five out of ten in this part of the article. The lack of factual evidence in the body in the argumentative essay lets down the writer, and this is the reason he/she would get two out of ten. This piece of writing completed its mission fairly well, that is the case by giving a convincing summary, although the whole argument was not thoroughly completed. The conclusion would get a six out of ten. The written piece would score an average score of twenty-out-of forty points. It is then concluded that the essay was averagely argumentative (Haitian Revolution 4).
The author would have gotten a good score with proper formatting of the paper with an introduction, and a body that is evidenced statistically or factually. Lastly, the flow of the paper should have been smoother with related issues following each other while the different ideas should have been introduced in new paragraphs. A summary of all the arguments should then be given in the conclusion along with the restatement of the thesis. The summary should state clearly the side that the student is supporting (Purdue 4). Works cited
Carpentier, Alejo. The Kingdom of This World. 1948. New York, NY: Farrar, 2006: 30-98: Print.
“Haitian Revolution (1791-1804). The Black Past: Remembered and Reclaimed.” n.d. Web. 23 Feb. 2014.
Purdue, “Argumentative essays”: Essay writing. (2014):1-4.Web June 17, 2014. <https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/>
“The Slave Rebellion of 1791. n.d. Web. 23 Feb. 2014. <http://www.latinamericanstudies.org/haiti/slave-rebellion.htm>