Need more supporting points for paragraph 3 &4
Make it flow
And need to some change words to formal terms
Need to hear more of own voice rather than from sources
May expend the essay to 2 and half pages
Need more supporting points for paragraph 3 &4
Make it flow
And need to some change words to formal terms
Need to hear more of own voice rather than from sources
May expend the essay to 2 and half pages
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